The Faulty Mind of kSarn

I fear I’m just waiting for the end of the story.

Dreams

I had a dream that I was using eHarmony and it suggested I look at people that had complicated stories.

I wonder if that’s what I’m looking for. Somebody just as damaged as I am.

I find that people who are happy all the time are plastic and difficult to relate to. Maybe these people do exist, but I am not one of these people. I cannot understand their lives.

Callous

My heart is tender. I bleed when I should callous.

Seeing people of the past doing new things.

Today I saw something. I didn’t even see this thing in person. I only saw a picture on facebook. But I keep hearing things too. That Jessica is going on dinners with other guys. 

I understand that I broke up with her. I understand that even the last time I did this, she started dating sooner than I did. I understand that this was inevitable. It still hurts. A lot.

I don’t know if shes over me but fuck I’m still not ready to date anybody. The last time it took me over a year before I even let another woman into my life, and even then I quickly felt… wrong and ended it.

All I can do right now is be fucking emo and want to die. FML. Great way to start the week.

SHM LA and Tahoe

Last two weeks I spent time with great friends. It was our one year reunion UMF. I missed Denise, Chris, Andrew, and everybody else. A few of us were missing but it was most of the same people. I missed all of them very much. It was so great to see all of them and spend two weekends with them. I hope I can find more friends like that in the future.

Although I do wish I had boarded some. Couldn’t sleep at all the first night and just stayed home and cooked…. =(